I drunkly posted on Facebook last night “It’s not about expectation. It’s loving what life gives you and what you make of it.” New Year’s Eve always comes with so much pressure to be the most epic night. I felt even more pressure this year since I would be in New York City. When I was home for Christmas everyone asked if I was going to go to Times Square to watch the ball drop. It was like everyone was expecting me to live out this idea of what New Year’s Even in NYC is supposed to be. As if everyone wanted to vicariously experience it through me. So much in life comes with the pressure and the expectation to be extraordinary. Everyone wants to have the coolest picture to post on Instagram, or the best story to tell on Facebook. It seems as though no one can genuinely enjoy something unless its documented in a Snapchat story. At the apartment before going out last night I was surrounded by people taking selfies and taking pictures of shot glasses. Instead of just enjoying the people we were with, people needed to document how much fun they were having for other people not with them.
I decided this year to not have expectations, to enjoy what the night would give me weather it be the craziest night of my life or the most boring. I wanted to ring in the New Year with a new attitude, to shrug off the pressure to be amazing, to be happy with reality. Was it the most amazing night of my life? Probably not. But was I happy? Absolutely. I’ve always set the bar pretty high for myself, and it often leaves me disappointed. Even when I achieve what I set out to, I immediately look for the next thing to conquer. Instead of enjoying what I have, I’m constantly looking for something better. Of course this attitude has helped me achieve much of what I’ve wanted in life, but it hasn’t gotten me any closer to happiness. So for this New Year’s I didn’t go to Time Square, I didn’t pay $150 to go to an “epic” over crowded club, I didn’t kiss the hottest guy in the bar at midnight, I didn’t have the perfect hot sequins dress. I drank some beers with my roommate, put on a sweater, went to a random bar with some new friends and kissed a gay guy I had just met at midnight. I also ate 12 raisins at midnight with my roommate and her cousin because apparently its a Portuguese tradition for good luck. And it was awesome. I don’t have a really cute picture of the night to post, or a sweet video to put on Snapchat but I have peace of mind knowing that I don’t need anyone else’s approval of my night and that it was good enough for me.
It is an attitude I hope to carry with me through 2015. Last year I consciously tried to have the “best year yet.” I was trying to make up for a bad couple years and trying to finally be the person I had always wanted to be. I worked really hard all of 2014 to figure myself out, focus on what I wanted out of life and go after it. I was always chasing the next adventure and trying to make every weekend more fun than the last. Don’t get me wrong, it was probably the best year of my life but it was exhausting. So for 2015 I’ve decided to get rid of my expectations and allow myself to enjoy the great life that I worked my ass off for.