I’ve often felt like I am not particularly good at dealing with negative things that happen in my life. Denial and escape have become very good friends of mine through the tribulations of my life. After moving to Santa Cruz to deal with heart break, I’d escape there in my head when things got rough. When all my friends moved to San Francisco, that became my new mental destination for bad days. Both of these places have served as a comfort for me because I could always start planning my move to there knowing that my life would be better once I got there. Well I never made it to either one of those places. Instead, I decided to start focusing on making myself happy right where I am. This year I’ve been blessed with amazing new friendships, incredible trips, and an amazing roommate/best friend. I took the time to reexamine my life and the way I was living it. I slowed down and tore apart all of the negative things I had to say about myself and my life. Instead of running away in my mind, I used that energy to truly discover happiness and acceptance. I’m no where near my pinnacle of self-actualiztion by any means. But I am so much closer to the life that I had always dreamed of discovering by just leaving. And now I actually am leaving.
As I stood in my empty bedroom and walked out to the living room, I was flooded with all of the memories that had been built in that apartment: Harry Potter drinking games, late night munchies, the house warming party, getting ready for kickball, intense convos with Kelci, drunk Netflix nights with Cathleen, jam sesh’s with Danny, all the times coming home after a new adventure….and with all of these memories came the realization that I am so fucking lucky that it is so hard for me to leave. I am surrounded by people who truly love and accept me and want nothing but the best for me, and I am so sad to be leaving all of them. I realized that I’m not running away from anything, I am taking every single one of those memories and those people with me. I have never been more proud of my life and the effort I put into making it what it is today. I have never felt so grateful for the people who walked into my life, decided to stay, and helped me become the person I am today. I wouldn’t be able to go on this epic journey into the unknown if it weren’t for the blessings that all of these people have given me.